1 Adam 12, 415 suspects there now, see the woman.
1 Adam 12 requesting want on Lincoln Ida X-Ray 483.
1 Adam 12 no wants Lincoln Ida X-Ray 483.
1 Adam 12 Roger. 1 Adam 12 requesting code 7 at Twain’s Restaurant, Ventura and Coldwater.
1 Adam 12, negative code 7 and handle this call. 484 see the man at Fulton and Moorpark. 1 Adam 12 handle code 2.
1 Adam 12 Roger.
—
I just love all that police radio talk. It gets me hot. I need to date a female dispatcher so she can speak this way to me in bed. Then I can say things like, “Yeah! 211 in progress bitch!”
Anyway, as a boy watching Adam 12, I so wanted to be a cop. I thought it would be cool driving around in a black and white with my best buddy busting people for loud stereos, or having a bag full of “reds”, or issuing traffic violations. Then these fuckers started getting shot. Wait. Bullets? Ok, back to something safe like Cowboy or Astronaut. Not safe jobs by the way. Maybe I’ll be a gay homosexual Ballerina. But I didn’t know what a gay homosexual was when I was 7.
So the first experience I had with guns (that I know of) was when I was 24 living in Phoenix. I’m old enough to have grown up in an era where gangs used chains and knives to hurt each other in the ghettos of Spokane, Washington. Make no mistake though, even though I didn’t realize it (as I had no frame of reference), I absolutely lived in the ghetto until age 10. Back to the Phoenix story… I’m at home in my apartment and am woken up in the early AM with what I deduced could only be at least one guy chasing at least one other guy shooting at him through my complex. It scared me really bad. I didn’t know what to do except hit the deck. I pictured stray bullets coming in at about chest level, so I hit the floor. I dialed up 911 and reported what was going on. I was ASTOUNDED at what the Emergency Operator said to me. Her only response was, “Don’t go outside sir.” NO SHIT? REALLY? So I just wait here then? You gotta be kidding me you stupid cunt. These thoughts all of course in my head.
I then asked, “Are you gonna help me?”
“How can I help you sir?”
“You can send the god damn police!”
“Do you still hear the shots sir?”
“No.”
“They’re probably past your area, have a nice night sir.” {CUH-LICK!}
I bet if I ran past the dispatcher’s office shooting in the air something would be done. 80 cops would tackle me and beat me and cuff me (two ways) and throw me in the clink. And I’m WHITE!
I couldn’t believe this was what I got the first time I ever dialed 911. They’re mean. My solution? Fuck it, I’m moving to Los Angeles. I waited like 8 more years, but I did it. And the only gunshots I’ve heard near me were ones I’ve been responsible for myself. Relax, I was at the range.
But Adam 12 though, right?
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