Ok, kids, so the big news over the weekend was Miley Cyrus coming out as “pansexual.”
Not that anyone should be surprised by any pronouncement Miley makes about her sexuality, and little doubt that we’ll keep hearing about her sex life for at least the next few years, say, until she gets out of puberty. But it did make us wonder what the heck a “pansexual” is. And no, it’s not somebody who gets off on frying pans and the like….
Pansexual is quite similar to bisexual, but on a broader range as it basically means open to getting it on with any member of the human race. So Miley is proclaiming herself to be about as inclusive as one can get with their sexuality. While we commend Miley for being all inclusive, we would like to remind her that there are laws regarding “age of consent,” and thus, that there are in fact limits to her sexual inclusiveness.
Miley’s coming out as a pansexual got us thinking that this might herald a new trend in which celebrities start outing their sexual proclivities for the sake of publicity. It certainly worked for the celebrity athlete and reality TV star formerly named “Bruce,” and now Miley seems to be working it.
While “who’s next” in Celebrityville to out themselves for their sexual preferences and/or identities will undoubtedly be interesting, perhaps of more interest might be the sexual proclivity that gets named. We don’t consider ourselves to be prudish, and frankly, were surprised that there was a sexual term we were unfamiliar with, but while looking into the meaning of pansexual, came across a whole range of sexual proclivities that we’re not all that familiar with. And we’re not talking BDSM, foot fetishes and the like, because those are so yesterday….
Nope, any celebrities out there looking to create a bit of buzz via their sexuality, should out themselves for one of these:
Abasiophilia–sexual attraction to people with impaired mobility, especially those using orthopaedics. We guess that one would come out as an “abasiophiliac.”
Agalmatophilia–sexual attraction to statues, dolls, mannequins and the like. For the
record, a man was caught in 1877 trying to get it on with Venus de Milo.
Acrotomophilia–sexual attraction to amputees. “Nice stump! Wanna get lucky?”
Apotemnophilia–sexual arousal based on the fantasy or reality of amputation of one’s own limbs. And yes, people have purposely amputated their own limbs for sexual gratification.
Bugchasing–pursuing sexual activity with HIV-positive partners in order to contract HIV. Apparently bugchasers consider this to be “intensely erotic.”
Coprophilia–sexual arousal and pleasure from feces. “Eew!”
Emetophilia–sexual arousal and pleasure from vomiting. Equally “Eew!”
Dacryphilia–sexual arousal and pleasure from other people’s tears or sobbing. “Cry me a river” takes on a whole new meaning.
Klismaphilia–sexual arousal and pleasure from enemas. Enemas sure are popular with the holistic health movement….
Mucophilia–sexual arousal and pleasure from mucus, whether one’s own or a partner’s. Yeah, “Eew!”
Paraphilic infantilism (also known as diaper fetish)–sexual arousal and pleasure from wearing a diaper. “What a cute little baby.”
Troilism–sexual arousal and pleasure from watching one’s partner getting it on with someone else. “Take my wife, please” seems to be quite the popular Internet search.
Urolagnia–sexual arousal and pleasure from urine whether one’s own or a partner’s. And yet another “Eew!”
While outing oneself for any of the above sexual preferences would surely create buzz, in this day and age a celebrity looking for magazine cover buzz probably needs to go totally rogue…. How about:
antisexualism–opposition to all sexual behaviour and sexuality. OK, so perhaps this one might make a better fit for some of those folks running things in Washington….
–M.J. Moye
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