One drop of water and people cannot drive.

By rob2e | January 24, 2008
Under: Anthything Goes

What is with people in California and Arizona (and perhaps other southernish, warmish states), and the dummies in Texas?  Whenever it rains, these people all lose their assumedly known abilities to drive.  It’s a crazy phenomena not enough people are concerned about.  People in California all drive 10+ miles over the speed limit all the time, but one drop of sweat falls off someone’s brow and hits the street, everyone slow down to 40 please.  No.  Punch it you idiots.  You have 4 tires. tires have what they call traaaack-shuuuun.  You’re not going to fly off the road.  all you’re going to do is PISS ME OFF!

I grew up (in Spokane, WA) where there was snow, rain, sleet, hail, wind, all of it.  Whatever.  You adjust your driving according to conditions.  But as far as I’m concerned, rain isn’t a condition.  It rains 4 days a year in Los Angeles.  If you’re such a vehicular moron, STAY HOME!  Get off my roads.  I need to be places, not going behind you all 40 miles an hour on the 134.  And learn your transitions.  The 101 from Hollywood to Studio City is 55 (you should be going 65 already), but when you round the corner where the 134 meets the 101, the speed limit is not 65 not 55.  SPEED UP FUCKERS!  Speed up or pull over.  Where are YOU going anyway?  Who are YOU?  Get of MY road.  I got shit to do.

Traffic is bad enough in L.A., but in Seattle it’s worse.  It actually is worse.  But they know how to drive.  Sure it rains in Seattle, but not as much as people think.  The big rain myth of Seattle was created to stop Californians from selling their homes and moving north to buy 2 or 3 up there.  Didn’t work.  My point is two-fold here.  One, it rains more in New York City (look it up) than in Seattle, but I can’t complain about New York because those (assumedly foreign) cabbies all haul ass anyway.  They don’t stop for water (or black people).  Two, it is entirely possible to drive normally in the rain.  Why is this so difficult?  Most rainy day accidents are caused by people being too conservative/careful in their driving.  It’s WATER!  What.  Do you think it’s somehow directly connected to the ocean via some convoluted freeway aqueduct river system and you’re gonna end up in the Pacific Ocean if you drive over 40 miles an hour?  IT’S WATER!

Shit.  You’ll text message in one hand and drink your devil’s Starbucks in the other at 80 mph, but you can’t drive in rain?  Hey!  Fuck you.  No. No.  FUCK YOU!

Let me be clear…  Those people who drive slowly in rain anywhere are pathetic, wildly useless pieces of (barely) human skin that should be piled up and burned as if it was some religious ceremony of sacrifice which I’m sure they all believe in anyway.  Then all across this nation there would be news reports like, “Hundreds of people were piled up and burned today in Santa Monica, CA and Phoenix, AZ.  Details are sketchy, but no real reason has been brought forth.”  Then all the SMART co-anchors on these news broadcasts would mumble ever-so slightly, “Prob’ly ’cause they didn’t know how to drive in the rain.”

If you liked this, please subscribe to my RSS feed and/or email feed.

4 comments | Add One

Comments

  1. ericm - 01/30/2008 at 3:40 am

    You must mean West Texas, way west.
    We may have typically dry summers (2007 being a notable exception), but here in Central/South Texas it floods yearly in the fall, and often spring as well. Our summers have huge thunderstorms, and a veritable shitload of flash floods.
    We can drive in the rain.
    Its the snow/ice that gets us.
    We only get that every few years or so(none this year but we had to close parts of the interstate for days last year), and its usually sparse then, bridges and low water crossings.
    No we don’t know our limits on ice.
    And this is just about Central, East, and South Texas, I’ve never spent a whole lot of time in North or West.

  2. Peter - 02/25/2008 at 11:12 pm

    Nice rant! Now here’s a reality check: Frequent rainfall prevents accumulation of oil deposits on road surfaces. So, if it’s started to rain after a long dry spell, the roads can be more slippery than “black ice”. Most hospitals know this and will gear-up the ER when a drought breaks.
    It’s usually the non-locals who make bad guesses. Here, in the northeast, we encounter sun-belt SUV drivers who feel immune to the laws of inertia in the snow!

  3. samantha - 02/28/2008 at 3:26 pm

    i live in washington now
    in near tacoma
    and people dont drive right
    when it rains, which is bout 1/2 of the year

  4. rob2e - 02/28/2008 at 8:04 pm

    Yeah. I’m from Spokane, so I know about all weather driving, but people in sun states are crazy idiots. They’re all morons.

Trackbacks

Leave a Comment -

Logged in as . <-- if there is no User ID here, you are not logged in. You can comment without registering or loggining in, but I do invite you to do both. ThanX!

Name: (required)

E-Mail: (required - will never be made public)

Website:

Comments :